I’ve been thinking a lot about whether or not I’ll be asked to come in for an interview this month and what it could mean for my dream of becoming a counselor. If I receive an email letting me know that I’ve been selected for an interview, I’ll have a very good shot at being accepted. I seem to get a lot of emails throughout the day and have subsequently found myself bolting for my phone every time I hear an email notification.  It’s kind of pathetic, but whatever. I’m trying to stay positive about it all but I can’t help but wonder if this isn’t going to happen for me.

After I submitted my application in 2012, I had a bad feeling that I was not going to be accepted. It turned out that feeling was right. Honestly, I’m glad I wasn’t accepted last year because it would have been too hard to go to school and deal with all of my emotional issues at the same time. I simply would not have made it through the first semester.

But what about now? It seems like the perfect time to start a grueling master’s program to me. Oh I forgot, it isn’t up to me. The thing about waiting for any kind of notification about school is that I can’t control the process. I know that if I don’t hear anything by the end of February, it’s over. I’ll get a lovely little letter from the university letting me know that I suck at life have been rejected in April. So, basically this is the home stretch. It’s already Feb 11^th and I’m clinging to the last bit of hope I can muster; and I’m slowly losing my grip. I have spent so much time, effort, and prayers into achieving my goal but there’s still one truth staring me in the face – it is not up to me.

Just because I want this to happen, doesn’t mean that it will. God just might have other plans for me that I am not aware of yet. If I do not get an email this month, I will need to evaluate whether or not I will continue to pursue this dream.  Obviously, I want to get accepted but it’s important to look at the bigger picture. I appreciate the support I have received from friends and family and for now, I will continue to wait and pray for good news.