Photo Courtnesy of IMDb
Today, it seems I really needed to vent about some relationship advice and I hope some of you can relate. Recently, I was browsing the internet for interesting articles/blog posts and stumbled upon an article titled 10 Signs You’ve Found The One. I instantly knew I had to read it. Not because I wondered if I had found the “one” but more so because I felt like it may contain misleading information. Let’s just say, my suspicions were confirmed.
I’m so sick of seeing sappy and unrealistic relationship advice in blogs or articles. Most of which, are written by people who have never been in a long term relationship or were married for a short amount of time. I’m not saying that someone who writes sound relationship advice must be married or in a committed relationship; I’m saying that someone’s advice on relationships must be taken with a grain of salt – especially if the person idealizes relationships. I could tell immediately that the writer believed in candy canes and puppy dogs when it comes to marriage. I could also see some form of codependency in the items she listed, but that isn’t why I’m writing this post today.
As I read the article, I became more and more annoyed. I thought to myself, why does this bother me so much? She’s clearly immature and has romanticized her relationship with her fiancé, but who cares? Well, I care because it is affecting my life. Through the years, Micah and I have had friends and family that have viewed relationships in the same way as that writer. Frankly, I’m fed up. I’ve seen people rush into marriage in order to get their “happy ending” only to have it fall apart in front of everyone. I’ve seen people literally date the same person over and over again, expecting a different result each time. I’m not talking about a specific person; I’m talking about generations of people. I found that those same people only wanted validation for their decisions, not sound advice. Consequently, this is why I seldom give advice anymore (except for maybe what dog breed to choose based on income 🙂 ).
More importantly, the writer’s list didn’t even cover core beliefs. I’m guessing that if you’ve found the “one”, your beliefs will be the same, right? Oh but love will see us through, no matter what. Umm, no. Love can quickly become overshadowed by resentments toward your partner about mundane things, let alone personal beliefs. I’m sure somewhere out there, two people have made it work, but not without sacrificing a lot. I’m not just talking about Christians; I’m talking about anyone who believes in anything. I’m not saying that I don’t want someone’s relationship or marriage to work out because they have different beliefs; I’m saying that it will be difficult.
I also think that movies and books sometimes give us unrealistic expectations of finding and keeping the “one.” Remember that movie The Notebook? This is a staple romance movie for a lot of girls and guys. When I first watched it, I wanted Rachel McAdams to pick Ryan Gosling. I remember thinking that it would be wonderful to have a love like that (I was also 16 years old). A couple of years later I re-watched it and realized that I couldn’t enjoy the movie because the characters were too impulsive and unrealistic. Who does that? Who just up and leaves their fiancé because the sight of their ex-boyfriend makes them realize they’re still in love with that person? What kind of life do I live where I think this is a type of relationship I want to be in? I know I’m being dramatic but you get what I mean. I understand that those movies and books are just for fun, but there comes a point where people start to believe love will conquer everything, no matter how ridiculous the situation.
Just because someone is in love with a person, doesn’t mean that it’s okay to ignore important details that will affect your decision to be in a committed relationship or marriage together. I guess what I’m saying is, I don’t think I know everything about relationships and honestly, I still have a lot to learn. I just don’t enjoy seeing friends or family go through difficult times, especially when it comes to life changing decisions. In marriage and relationships, love does not always conquer all. Yes, love is the most important component, but it is not the only factor that holds two people together.
The truth is, no two relationships are the same. Therefore, when someone is giving advice, feel free to take it, but make sure to consider how that advice relates to you and if it’s sensible. Better yet, take the time to see if that advice lines up with the word of God.