Our Story (Part Two)
Where was I? Oh right, we got married.
It was a beautiful wedding. Funny enough, I was never one of those girls who dreamed of their wedding day with the dress and the flowers. It was stressful planning it because of the sheer number of ideas out in the world, but I had my mom and mother-in-law to help me. It was nice because my mom is really good at organizing events and staying on track of things, and my mother-in-law could decorate anything. Her hobby was finding discarded trash (tables, chairs, lamps, etc.) on the side of the road or at yard sales and turning them into works of art. It was a wonderful experience getting to know her better while we designed the wedding. It’s not that I wasn’t close to her before, but when we came up with different designs and ideas together, it really allowed us to become even closer. What more can I say, I was blessed with wonderful in-laws.
After the wedding and honeymoon, we had to go back to the real world.
Getting thrown into working from 7:30am-5:30pm was a bit of a shock after such a wonderful honeymoon. Admittedly, it was hard to adjust to married life when you both work all day and are exhausted when you finally get home. Not to mention, my job was so stressful that I developed TMJD, which made me even more tired with migraines. If you do not know what TMJD is consider yourself lucky! I’d love to go in depth about it but that’s a post for another day.
Looking back, we were having normal issues that all couples have when they first move in together. We’d have conversations like, “No Micah, I’d rather not have a conversation with you while you’re pooping. And will you please close the door?” That’s common, right? Ultimately, most of those things we would laugh off because they really aren’t that big of a deal. Other things however, were much bigger deals. For example, I can remember having a very serious conversation about the vacuum. Yes, the vacuum. We found that little fights usually masked bigger issues that we weren’t addressing with one another. Don’t worry, we figured out the problem-communication. This is something that I think we’ll always have to work on and I’m glad we didn’t let it ruin our relationship. All in all, it was awesome becoming closer to Micah and his family.
About five months after we were married, Micah’s mom started having health issues. It was becoming hard for her to walk around some days and she was beginning to feel weak and didn’t know why. She also suffered from minor headaches but the doctors were not sure of what was causing these issues. Over the next couple of months, she had tests and lab work done and they found fluid around her heart and lungs. They were afraid her cancer was back, and so were we. Years ago Jacquita (my mother-in-law) was diagnosed with breast cancer. By the grace of God she went into remission after a mastectomy, chemo, radiation, vegan diet, and so much more. It was a miracle that she lived through it, but she was told it could come back at any time. After that, she decided to enjoy every day like it was her last since God had given her a second chance.
The doctors still didn’t know what was causing her symptoms and wanted to do further testing to see if the cancer was in her bones. She decided that she did not want to do this procedure because if she had cancer again, she was not going to go through the harsh treatments she had experienced before. No more surgeries, chemo, and especially radiation. We prayed for this to be a small problem, but I had a terrible feeling that this was anything but treatable.
One day in December, she started to have a headache. It kept getting worse and worse until she felt as though she was going to die. She was rushed to the hospital where they eventually found nine brain tumors. The biggest tumor was on her frontal lobe, right where her headache originated from. We also found out that she had mets all over her body including microscopic ones on her organs. Stage 4 metastatic breast cancer was the diagnosis. It was devastating to say in the least. When we found out, the first person I thought of was my sister. My sister is the director of a Hospice agency and I immediately let her know what was going on. After talking with Jacquita and Brad, they were interested in hearing what my sister had to offer with Hospice. It ended up being exactly what Jacquita wanted and she was ready to go home.
I never expected to lose a parent so soon after we got married. All these thoughts started running through my head uncontrollably; she won’t be here to meet her future grandchildren, what will Brad do after she’s gone? How will Micah handle this? I can’t imagine a world where I exist and she doesn’t. I didn’t have questions for God. None. God wasn’t going to make this go away, and that’s okay. I never had any anger or questions for God as to why this was happening. For me, it was clear; God wanted her back and there was nothing we could do about it. Over the next five months I asked God for the strength to endure all of it. I’m not gonna lie, it was hard.
Sometimes, all we can do is keep breathing.
We had about 5 months with Micah’s mom and then she passed away a month before our first anniversary.
I believe Jacquita is in Heaven and loving it, but that doesn’t take away the pain of losing her. It gets better with time, but it will never be the same. Looking back I can say it definitely brought Micah and I closer together. It’s a reminder that God can take us at any time and its important to live every day to the fullest.